Diamondbacks vs. Rockies May 21st
Monday began by eating at a random Asian eatery in Phoenix called Fate (best spring rolls I've ever eaten(only spring rolls I've ever eaten)) next door to the HoodRide World Headquarters. To be completely honest with all of you, I was planning on making multiple jokes at the expense of the Hoodride World Headquarters, a run down house with a painted plywood sign in a tree surrounded by chopper bicycles, until I looked them up online. I'll be damned if those hood riding bastards really aren't worldwide.
After a long coffee and Coke stop at Mac Alpines, an intimate, Austiny, 1950's styled place, I made it to Chase Field for the game. Parking was surprisingly easy, as not even 20,000 showed up to see the game. I was also early, which allowed for me to experience the spectacle of the Opening of the Roof. I say spectacle because somewhere along the way the Arizona management decided to liken the roof opening to a Sunday morning rock revival service. Complete with rocking riffs and a choir chorus that would put the Monks of St. Benedictine's Chant CD to shame, the roof's retraction brought back memories of my previous week in Denver.
As for the game, the two NL teams managed to put up four home runs, which is always exciting, and the stadium was cool and fun to be in. The food was by far the cheapest yet, allowing me to sample the Nachos. What I received was typical nacho party foul number one. Too many chips for not enough "cheese", and no "cheese" poured onto the chips allowing them to soak up the saturated goodness. On the other hand, neon orange "cheese" over fried tortillas and jalapenos equals yummy goodness in my book, so who am I to complain.
As for complaining, here's to the first Ass of the Game. An early nominee for Fan of the game, the woman 
on the right in this picture had brought three kids with her to the game, was as excited as them to be there, and had even done arts and crafts time with them to create their banner. "Way to go apparent single mom taking three boys to the game," I thought to myself as I took this picture. Seconds later the Big screen camera found them, and seconds later 500 screaming Arizona urchins were swarming the area, trying to be on screen. AotG, irate at her glory being stolen, proceeded to berate the swarming adolescent masses in a way to make Hitler blush. The kind of ridiculous over reaction to where every mature adult in the area is ashamed to have let her into the ranks. So Congrats, Ass of the Game, for brow beating an entire cadre of 8 year olds for stealing your big chance to make in on a sparsely attended minor market baseball team's jumbo tron. What a ridiculous thing to aspire to (bullet #4).
on the right in this picture had brought three kids with her to the game, was as excited as them to be there, and had even done arts and crafts time with them to create their banner. "Way to go apparent single mom taking three boys to the game," I thought to myself as I took this picture. Seconds later the Big screen camera found them, and seconds later 500 screaming Arizona urchins were swarming the area, trying to be on screen. AotG, irate at her glory being stolen, proceeded to berate the swarming adolescent masses in a way to make Hitler blush. The kind of ridiculous over reaction to where every mature adult in the area is ashamed to have let her into the ranks. So Congrats, Ass of the Game, for brow beating an entire cadre of 8 year olds for stealing your big chance to make in on a sparsely attended minor market baseball team's jumbo tron. What a ridiculous thing to aspire to (bullet #4). So we've established what you can't get away with as an Adult at a Diamondbacks game, lets look at what kids can get away with. Here's to the Fan of the Game, and his childhood innocence to blackface and its social repurcussions! For his sake I'm glad he's not in college with this picture on Facebook, or in a city with more than 14 black people. Or maybe, just maybe, he was sporting his teams colors..... Nah, too easy. 
Some last notes of mention. The Scoreboard Race employed the exact same graphics as the Royal's stadium, with three hot dogs racing about the diamond. Just as it was in the Royals game, I lost the race. My frustrations with Ketchup is mounting. (I'm sorry Ketchup, I didn't mean that. You know you're my favorite condiment) Lastly, the aforementioned Fan of the Game was captured on film attempting, unsuccessfully, to start a wave. This has led to me delve into the vitals necessary for the Game's most annoying side attraction, which should hopefully be posted sometime soon. As for now, good night, enjoy your beds, and think of me in my car again as you sleep in comfort.
Some last notes of mention. The Scoreboard Race employed the exact same graphics as the Royal's stadium, with three hot dogs racing about the diamond. Just as it was in the Royals game, I lost the race. My frustrations with Ketchup is mounting. (I'm sorry Ketchup, I didn't mean that. You know you're my favorite condiment) Lastly, the aforementioned Fan of the Game was captured on film attempting, unsuccessfully, to start a wave. This has led to me delve into the vitals necessary for the Game's most annoying side attraction, which should hopefully be posted sometime soon. As for now, good night, enjoy your beds, and think of me in my car again as you sleep in comfort.
