F.S. Players: Berger and D

My two part stay in Los Angeles was hosted by the incomparable Berger and D. I've not used anyone's full name simply as polite online etiquette, but for these two, there may be legitimate concerns with associating with either of them. They are the type of people who, at age 27 or so, are continuing to make stories each weekend instead of sitting around with friends retelling old stories. Granted few, if any, of these stories are retellable in mixed company or in any sort of detail on this site, but let's delve as deep as my shuddering memory will allow me.

• My first meeting of Berger is him pulling up in Redondo Beach in a brand new 2007 Tahoe, taking me into a bar and drinking and telling stories like old friends. Conversations were only briefly punctuated by both our silence when the waitress would strut by. Berger has, by all good measure, had "relations" with her by now.


• D and Berger's drink of choice is Bacardi rum. During my stay there of almost a week and half, interrupted by five days, they put down three bottles of Bacardi. Berger was gone for almost half of those days. Good Job D.


• http://www.urbancougar.com/. This wasn't advice from either of the two. This was homework for me to be able to understand half the talk in most of the stories being bandied about.


• Speaking of the stories told, I'd prefer not to go into detail about the "christening" of the couch I slept on. Or the subsequent hundreds of re-christenings D performed during his six month tenure as The Guy on the Couch before actually moving in.


• Craigslist.com's Casual Encounters. This was Berger's advice, and I'm still amazed at, well. I'm amazed. I'm also terrified.


• My lasting impression of Berger: Him getting beat at NCAA football as SC by none other than The University of Georgia Bulldogs.


• My last impression of D: Walking around buck naked cupping his manhood. He says he looks like a bigger (Jeff Francoeur, the guy from Transporter, pretty much every celebrity that showed up on T.V.) I say he looks like a hairy, white, rated R Shrek.
  

You guys asked, and you receive. For the most fun, providing Angels Tickets, and continuing to perform at the level of a minor league farm system party animal, you are jointly awarded the F.S. Most Valuable Players, until by some unimaginable feat you are usurped. I don't believe anything short of outright felony and arrest would do it though, so congratulations.

Quest Question and An Answer

'for the last 2 weeks I feel like I’m a part of something greater than just a 12 hour workday. I am however starting to wonder if anything healthy has slid down your esophagus in quite some time" - Mr. T. Payne.

As to the first part, thanks and I'm hopefully going to discourage some of the romanticism of the trip with a tell all post of the joys of riding alone, although right now I am meandering through the great wild west, amongst snow capped mountains and bubbling rivers of flavorful fish and vacationing Georgians, so it may take a while to get it written.

I'd like to take a second to answer the second question, however, as it seems to be a lingering question for quite a few people. I am proud that, save the In-N-Out Burger and one post-downtown Taco Hell stopover in Denver, I have yet to get any fast food. I suffice on a lot of oatmeal and bologna sandwiches. I was also happily munching on Nutrigrain bars to replace meals for nearly a month, until Wild Man and Farm System player David, in training for an Iron Man, told me that they were chock full of high fructose corn syrup. Damn!

So where do the calories come from? First, take into account the amount of normal activity that I do in a normal day, which normally involves sitting in a car from 4 to 8 hours, or sitting in a baseball park for 3 hours. So we'll go with a high estimate of 2,000 calories a day. Now, my records show that I've eaten 20 hot dogs and drank 101 beers. I don't have an exact number, what with my lenient estimates and the shoddy numbers available online for the hot dog, and the generalization of all the different types of beers I've drank. So I went with a loaded hot dog caloric estimate, and a general light beer estimate from all the times I've been loaded, and have put in 6,180 calories from hot dogs (3620 from fat) and 9600 calories from beer. There's a quarter of my Calories right there!

So you see folks, theres no worry about my health or culinary habits. I'm doing just fine on my package of oatmeal that I shake into my mouth and chase with a swig of water, pit stop sandwhich, and tuna and cheese on Wheat Tortillas for dinner. It wouldn't be fun if I were staying in hotels and eating steaks every night, now would it?

Dodgers vs. Cubs May 25th

This post is for all of you who just can't seem to find time to read through the entire post. Enjoy.

L.A.

Los Angeles was a huge city covered by smog. I tried to enjoy my time there out in the Sun, but mother Nature brought in a cold front. I tried to make it Hollywood, but the 8 million other Los Angelans wouldn't let me. There was one thing, the most important thing, that I did get to experience, which no man on Earth will ever be able to take away from me.

Those are some good burgers Walter

Padres vs. Cubs May 23rd

PetCo Park is without a doubt my favorite park so far on this trip. Located in the GasLamp District of downtown San Diego, it already meets my first requirement of not being a commuter park. The surrounding area is full of restaurants, bars, and old warehouses. These old warehouses lend the Park its most prominent and unique feature. The Western Metal Supply Co. Building is not only an imposing figure in left field, it serves a dual purpose as both the foul pole and team shop. Further out in centerfield is a park where you can picnic on grass and let the little heathens run amok, or even let them play baseball on their own diamond.

One last thing that I really liked about the park was the fact that the bullpens were located alongside the foul lines. Having the ridiculous job of pitching minimal innings on random days for exorbitant amounts of money, I love that they make these guys sit in folding chairs in the field of play directly in the line of fire. Insignificant detail? Yes, but one of the little things that makes this trip and baseball so fun.

As for the rest of the game, the incredibly slow service at the concession stand made me miss the scoreboard race. Considering my current losing streak at this it was probably best. I would have hated to make a scene in front of the quiet, polite Cubs fans who were timidly taking in the match up.

The nail in the coffin for cementing this park as number one was the Fan of the Game. Dylann, my Farm System player, had warned me about him, but I could never have guessed at the stupendousness which he rained down upon the ballpark like some Pac-Man Petco Park Groundskeeper. Be warned, this video gives no justice to the greatest entertainer in MLB today.

(Photobucket is hassling me putting the video in this post, so if it doesn't work for you, here is the link)

F.S. Player: Dylann

For two nights I stayed in the hostel known as Dylann's apartment. The allure of San Diego, coupled with Dylann's own popularity and general enthusiasm about anything and everything, has made her a crash pad for multitudes of her friends over the past few months. I was supposedly the last of the latest crop of moochers taking up her couch (which was incredible), and couldn't have asked for a better host. She toured me through the various parts of La Jolla, downtown San Diego, followed by an accidental nap and subsequent sunburn at her pool.

Being in a position to tour the country and have friends to offer their couches to me is what has made this trip possible, but more importantly, it is has given the trip a greater perspective for me in my deliberations on greater questions than who is the starting pitcher for the next day's game. Dylann was refreshing in that she is one of the few people who knows what she wants in life and, in her words, isn't sacrificing the present for the future. I'm jealous of her for that--she knows where she wants to be, and what she wants to be doing, and has worked to make both of them attainable without forfeiting either. Plus, she was perfectly gung ho for anything I felt like doing, even if it was doing nothing by the pool and then cooking up my road trip gruel for dinner instead of touristing it out. I'd continue heap praises upon her, my favorite city, and my favorite ballpark to date, but the last thing the girl needs is an excuse for more people to take her up on her hospitality.

The seals, not otters, of San Diego. Eating, sleeping, swimming, and living in San Diego. Think I'm jealous? You're thinking right.

San Diego

San Diego is by far my most favorite location to date. To spare you all, and anyone from the city, I won't be pulling any Anchorman quotes or references in regards to the city, as much as I'd like to.

The main area of town that I got to experience was the La Jolla area, or The Jewel for those of you who don't habla the espanol. It is a good thing that after the place was named La Jolla, it didn't turn into some scummy area of town. Quite the opposite, the area lived up to the name and then some, as if there was a connection. Dylann, my Farm System Player, took me through the various streets of the main center, which was populated by more gelatos and fashionable chic shops than most streets in Italy. I checked my heterosexuality at the door, briefly, and indulged in a Tiramisu gelato cone which was delish. I mean, uhhhh...

Despite the ocean breeze chilling our ocean walk, we managed to take in some of the sights of the beach coves, seals, and squirrels that dominate the coastline of the area. At night we also went to a cougar den in Something Del Mar called En Fuego, or On Fire, for the aforementioned ones who don't hablo the espanol. As delicious as the food was and fun as the bar was, it couldn't compare to Jimmy O's, whose karaoke on a Tuesday Night had brought out the very best* in San Diego's populace.

Of the places I didn't get to experience was Coronado Island, home to the Navy Seal training facilities. There are certain things which all young boys share. Upon seeing the movie Red Dawn, they all know exactly where they would hole up should the Communists invade. They've all thrown the game winning touchdown in their backyard. They've all built elaborate forts with water for their toy soldiers specifically to shoot them down and splash into it. And they've all said at one point that they want to be a Navy S.E.A.L. After experiencing the late May weather and water temperature here, trust me-You can't hack it. There's a reason almost no one is a S.E.A.L., and that reason is that the training has got to be the most freezingly miserable experience on the face of the Earth. I'd recommend going to the beach and surfing instead, it is a lot more fun.

*best meaning drunken bankers and the women who love them.