Diamondbacks vs. Rockies May 21st

Monday began by eating at a random Asian eatery in Phoenix called Fate (best spring rolls I've ever eaten(only spring rolls I've ever eaten)) next door to the HoodRide World Headquarters. To be completely honest with all of you, I was planning on making multiple jokes at the expense of the Hoodride World Headquarters, a run down house with a painted plywood sign in a tree surrounded by chopper bicycles, until I looked them up online. I'll be damned if those hood riding bastards really aren't worldwide.

After a long coffee and Coke stop at Mac Alpines, an intimate, Austiny, 1950's styled place, I made it to Chase Field for the game. Parking was surprisingly easy, as not even 20,000 showed up to see the game. I was also early, which allowed for me to experience the spectacle of the Opening of the Roof. I say spectacle because somewhere along the way the Arizona management decided to liken the roof opening to a Sunday morning rock revival service. Complete with rocking riffs and a choir chorus that would put the Monks of St. Benedictine's Chant CD to shame, the roof's retraction brought back memories of my previous week in Denver.

As for the game, the two NL teams managed to put up four home runs, which is always exciting, and the stadium was cool and fun to be in. The food was by far the cheapest yet, allowing me to sample the Nachos. What I received was typical nacho party foul number one. Too many chips for not enough "cheese", and no "cheese" poured onto the chips allowing them to soak up the saturated goodness. On the other hand, neon orange "cheese" over fried tortillas and jalapenos equals yummy goodness in my book, so who am I to complain.

As for complaining, here's to the first Ass of the Game. An early nominee for Fan of the game, the woman on the right in this picture had brought three kids with her to the game, was as excited as them to be there, and had even done arts and crafts time with them to create their banner. "Way to go apparent single mom taking three boys to the game," I thought to myself as I took this picture. Seconds later the Big screen camera found them, and seconds later 500 screaming Arizona urchins were swarming the area, trying to be on screen. AotG, irate at her glory being stolen, proceeded to berate the swarming adolescent masses in a way to make Hitler blush. The kind of ridiculous over reaction to where every mature adult in the area is ashamed to have let her into the ranks. So Congrats, Ass of the Game, for brow beating an entire cadre of 8 year olds for stealing your big chance to make in on a sparsely attended minor market baseball team's jumbo tron. What a ridiculous thing to aspire to (bullet #4).

So we've established what you can't get away with as an Adult at a Diamondbacks game, lets look at what kids can get away with. Here's to the Fan of the Game, and his childhood innocence to blackface and its social repurcussions! For his sake I'm glad he's not in college with this picture on Facebook, or in a city with more than 14 black people. Or maybe, just maybe, he was sporting his teams colors..... Nah, too easy. Some last notes of mention. The Scoreboard Race employed the exact same graphics as the Royal's stadium, with three hot dogs racing about the diamond. Just as it was in the Royals game, I lost the race. My frustrations with Ketchup is mounting. (I'm sorry Ketchup, I didn't mean that. You know you're my favorite condiment) Lastly, the aforementioned Fan of the Game was captured on film attempting, unsuccessfully, to start a wave. This has led to me delve into the vitals necessary for the Game's most annoying side attraction, which should hopefully be posted sometime soon. As for now, good night, enjoy your beds, and think of me in my car again as you sleep in comfort.

Phoenix

I'm truly sad to tell you that on one of my most entertaining nights out on the trip, I forgot my camera. I promise that it won't happen again. I'll have to paint a picture with a thousand words instead. Maybe more, I would have taken a lot of pictures.

Arizona and Phoenix, first of all, is an odd place physically. There are Cacti all over the place that look like they belong in a movie prop room. There are random hills in the middle of the city. There are shrubs and dirt and then random golf courses. And the people are just as peculiar. They don't seem to be Californian, or Southwestern, or distinctly Arizonan either.

The first night there, a Saturday, I went out in Tempe where Arizona State was. Mill Ave. is a very cool strip with Barbie styled girls walking around left and right. I was really sad to have figured out that a new style has emerged, and I had no idea about the trend whatsoever. As it is, really really tight, really really short shorts are so hot right now. And they are hot-on about 10% of the girls who wear them. The rest should go back to the capri pants I hate so much.

Across the street from Barbie's Dollhouse was a hippie drum circle. Half of the hippie drum circle was made up of homeless people forced to adopt the hippie lifestyle due to lack of funds. The other half of the circle were middle aged former garage band drummer and their kids. The best part of the whole debacle was that the fifteen drummers pounding out rhymes in the street were God Awful. Literally, the incompetence of the homeless hippie street drummer's beat skills were ridiculous. This was compounded by the four Irish or Australian tattooed dudes dancing around in Hooters outfits. As for their shorts, they must have taken note from the likewise dressed women around the city. The homeless guys weren't to thrilled with their presence, but who cares what homeless people have to say. Oh yeah. I slept in my car both Saturday and Sunday night. Thanks for reading.

(artist's rendition of Hooters guys)



Phoenix, you must stop these hippie jam band session, so that drastic measures don't have to be taken.

Angels vs. Dodgers May 18th

I managed to finally get out to Angel Stadium in Anaheim on Friday, which was an ordeal unto itself. I suppose that enduring L.A. traffic is simply part of the allure that people come here for, but for some reason it didn't seem to sit well with me. To my dismay, the stadium was situated more like the Rangers and Royals Ballparks than the others, which is to say far far away from anywhere or anything interesting. Also, the stadium's big attractions, well, they seem to be a little too fitting for a stadium in the city of Disneyland.

The first attraction is the set of Angel's Baseball Helmets thay are situated at the entrance of the stadium. Aside from dwarfing every other aspect of the park, they lend to an atmosphere of being at Legoland instead of a major league ballgame. The second aspect of the park was a waterfall in left centerfield that was extremely out place and looked as if a gigantic plastic log carrying shrieking ten year olds, or perhaps a blood soaked Fabio, would come tumbling down at any minute. This all could have been avoided if they had planted grass beside the nature scene instead of green painted plywood.

As for the game itself, the Angels were opening up the Interleague Highway Series against the Dodgers, an unfortunate marketing ploy by the Major Leagues, but still a fun way to make what usually is a one sided crowd more give and take as if it were some heated college rivalry. Dodger Blue did far more than simply dot the stands, it was nearly split as to which team had more fans show up. As for the teams, only the Angels apparently showed, putting up 9 on the Dodgers and doing so without any AL styled home runs.

The crowd also proved that, like in most big cities, if you live there you probably aren't from there, the game was littered with boos, catcalls, and an all around New England attititude. For that reason, my fan of the game was stripped from the 8 beach balls I saw making their way around the stadium, and bestowed upon Bill from Newport Beach. Aside from being really friendly, Bill had two great characteristics. One is that I am almost positive he was the basis for Mike Myer's Linda Richman character in SNL, or at the very least perfect for her brother. The second reason is this. I'll give you the topic. Bill is one of the first people to admit to me that he wishes his giant tattoo (Bill, on his forearm) wasn't there. Discuss.

Hey Oh! I'll give you a topic! If I live in California, why do I have a northeastern Accent? Ba-da-bingo!

Sequoia National Park

After my drive through the mountains, I camped alone in the woods of Sequoia National Park. At least I thought I was alone.



Despite waking up to death's big, brown face, I still managed to visit the Redwood trees, and have become quite the treehugger. But as you can see, it was one of those awkward, sideways hugs where you can tell neither one wants to be touching the other.

The Drive: From Denver

I won't say that this has made the trip worth it, what with this drive only two weeks into the Quest, but I highly recommend that everyone make the trip from Denver down to Las Vegas simply for the sights you get to see. It was truly incredible.

That's why I come out here. Nature!