F.S. Player-Deedee

The Farm System, dedicated individuals enabling my Quest around the country.

Deedee, aka Grandma, aka Speedy. She may not be speediest anymore but she’s still the fastest in the race to win my heart, and the first farm system player to provide a place for yours truly. A top prospect, I was greeted by home boiled shrimp and lemon pie. That’s what Grandmothers are for, I figure, cooking goodies for their grandkids. She did enlighten me to a side of Baseball, and sports in general, that I hadn’t considered. As I told her about my trip, she launched off into multiple tangents about the Astros pitching woes, the Rockets spectacular victory the night before, and how they compare with the Texans as far as fan support. It struck me that in a retirement homes across America are legions of sweet little old ladies who knows more about their hometown teams that the hack sportswriters who cover them. And in some of them there is probably enough Old Timer’s wisdom to create a second Bill James-esque Revolution in the game. In honor of my first Farm System Superstar, and the hundreds of retirees across America cheering on the hometeam, here is some advice for today’s players.

The First Farm System Superstar: Grandma Deedee

1) Spit that Gum out, you look like a cow chewing cud. And hug the line on the pitcher’s changeup since the left handers against him tend to shoot it near the bag.
2) When am I going to get a grand child? And a five tool leadoff man who has a glove in the infield to shore up the top of the order?
3) Stand up straight! Your swing has been uppercutting against the slider because you’ve started slouching, which gives your head too much movement.
4) I made some bacon and used the grease to mix up my famous home-made gravy! The bacon grease is Clear, and the gravy is Creamy, but it’s the only kind of Clear and Cream a nice boy like you needs to put some meat on your bones.
5) I just love catching a good game, it gives me time to finish my crocheting and CATCH THE GOD D@#M BALL.!! Ohh, heavens to Betsy, pardon my language.